Judgementalness

Romans 2:1

You therefore have no excuse, you who pass judgement on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgement do the same things.

Are there things that bug you? I know there are. Everyone has things that just bug the heck out of them. You can't stand when u see someone do it. Maybe it just rubs you the wong way, or maybe it's actully wrong, but either way, you hate it! You know why you hate it so much? Probobly because you do it.

Look at the things you are constantly after other people for, or things that you hate with a passion. For me, it's lust. If i had my way, i'd punch every guy in the face who ever looked at a girl with lust in his eyes. but if I had my way, i'd be punching myself in the face every day.

As christians, we are to hold our brother's and sister's accountable. but we are not to judge them. the next time you are about to pass judgement on somebody, check yourself to make sure you aren't guilty of the same thing!

Spider-man

Spider-man.

An awe inspiring super-hero to many a teenager (and older "kids" as well). Most people are familer with his daring exploits to save New York and Even Mary Jane, the girl of his dreams. But sometimes, we forget the struggles he goes through. Watching the first few minutes of Spider-man 1, I find Peter Parker is quite a loser. He is picked on, rejected, and utterlly despised by his classmates. the only reason Mary Jane even looks at him is because they are neighbors and she feels sorry for him.

Even after his transformation, Peter Parker is still hated. Most people, thanks to the Daily Bugle, Think Spidey is a Super Villian! Even though he risks his life every day to save the city, they Hate him!

Many people, especially those in high school and jr. high feel rejected. Because of the need "to be cool" or at least accepted, people are emotionally and even physically abused. I see it among my own friends.

The other day, I was going to have several of my friends come over. I was ecstatic and spent several hours preparing the game. Game time arrived and no one showed up. 3 people came late, only to inform me they were going to broken arrow for something else, they couldn't stay. A couple other people had other plans come up because of circumstances beyond they're control. and One guy just told me he didn't want to get out of bed. Had it not been for my Good friend Aaron who came over and stayed, I would have spent yet another lonely saturday with myself.

Jesus knows what that's like though. In the Garden, He was a "little stressed out" to say the least. He asked his close friends to stay up and pray with him. they were like, "yeah, Jesus, we'll pray with you." 5 minutes later, they're sawing logs. they did this several times.Then Jesus is betrayed by Judas, one of his 12 best friends. then all 12 abandon him, and Jesus gets to spend the roughest night of his life...

alone

We need to show the Love of Christ to others. We CAN'T let them fall into that lonliness. they need to have Jesus to hang onto.

Deftones

I watched you change
Into a fly
I looked away
You were on fire
I watched a change in you
It's like you never had wings
Now you feel so alive
I've watched you change

I took you home
Set you on the glassI
pulled off your wings
Then I laughed
I watched a change in you
It's like you never had wings
Now you feel so alive
I've watched you change
It's like you never had wings

...ahh-ah-aaah

I look at the cross
Then I look away
Give you the gun
Blow me away

I watched a change in you
It's like you never had wings
Now you feel so alive
I've watched you change
And you feel alive
You feel alive
I've watched you change
It's like you never had wings

...ahh-ah-aaah

You change...

I'm over...

Romans 12:1-2

I urge you my brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God. This is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed my the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is: His good, pleasing, and perfect will.

I've had this verse memorized since i was 7 or 8. and only now do i finally understand it.

I have no idea what i'm doing this fall. OCC is still a potential. I'm also applying at MCC, DCC, even CCCB (yes grant). QT called today. They wanted to promote me. I told them about my internship stuff. They will call me back after my mexico trip if there is another opening for a Night Assistant position.

I don't know what God wants me to do. I feel as i have no way to dicern it because I'm torn between what is "right" and what I want, and yet, in some ways i don't know the differnce.

I wish life was like comic books. the bad is bad, the Good is Good, and there's hardly any gray.

whoa...

Camp was amazing. God moved.

And i learned alot more than I taught. And i taught quite a bit.

If you want to know more, let me know, and i'll send you more details.

I left the 99 to find the 1

Camp is in an hour. I'm excited like i can't believe. I get a chance to be that CIT that i looked up too. Camp changed my life, multiple times. I want God to use me to do that for someone else.

My mind wanders again to my leaving OCC. Did God need me here? to save one life? Jesus told a story about leaving 99 sheep to find the 1 lost sheep. Is that where i'm going? to find that one lost sheep and bring him home?

I'm so willing to be used. My prayer now is that I see my oppurtunities when(not if) they are given. Father give me your eyes and arms this next week, so i can affect someone, if not everyone.

Sore Loser

ha ha, i made a bet with God.

Surprise surprise...I lost...AGAIN!!!

I'm kinda thinking the jokes on me.

Good Golly, My folly

How much is too much. I know you want me to be happy, but I know you want me to be happy in your timing. I keep trying to do things my way, but your way is better.

Am I doing more than you want me too? Am I Pushing too hard? Or am I doing the right thing and just getting cold feet?

Maybe just a little help?

The Prince of...Catoosa?

We've been talking about Moses in my sunday school class at church(yes, the one i'm teaching). To get a visual, we've been watching Prince of Egypt concurrently with our passages of scripture. Today we started the plagues and Moses' Retun to Egypt.

Moses talks to Pharoah and gets turned down, in addition to giving the Isrealites more work. In the movie, Moses then walks through Goshen and somebody throws mud at Moses, causes him to lose his footing, and he falls into the mud himself. Aaron then goes on a rant. "Do you know waht it's like now, Prince of Egypt?" Moses begins to feel sorry for himself, saying God sent him. Aaron asks when did God start caring.

Then Midian comes up to Moses and says "All my life I've been a slave. And all these years I've been praying, and God hasn't answered any of my prayers, until now. Moses, he saved you from The river, he saved you from Pharoah, he saved you in the desert, and he saved you in Midian. God has a purpose for you, and I think it's too save us."

Not in the scripture, but based on it.

I used to compare myself to Peter in the Bible, but it seems I have more in common with Moses.

So, i'm not going to give up. I can't. It's not my choice. I've been bred, branded, called. God has been cultivating me since before I was born to do somthings for him. Maybe i'll be a great minister or missionary converting thousands, or maybe i'll bring one guy to Jesus and die in a car wreck a week later. Whatever.

I can't live My life any more. Only his life will do.

In the words on Joshua, who Moses mentored, "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

Now that your on fire

I don't know if it's because it's 11 pm. I don't know if it's because i've not had a day off in 15 days. I don't know if it's because i worked 16 hours today, 18 yesterday, and 8 or 9 the day before that. I don't know if it's because i haven't looked inside my bible since i don't remember when. actully, my bible has been in my bag since i went to OCC the last time. I don't know which one or combination did it, but i'm tired, stressed, and ready to give up.

Isn't it funny how the one thing that motivates me to do anything is the one thing that causes me the most problems? Money. I hate Money. I wish i could work for just Food and Tuition. But then theres a car, then gas, then insurance, then WHATEVER!! And so, in order to "make up the slack", i work 58 hours in a week. pretty sure i want to eat a bullet right now just from my feet pain. and no days off until church camp.

I don't understand how i can hate hypocrisy, lying, cheating, and deception SO much, and yet turn around and do those very things.

Ok. that's it. I'm going to bed.

And no, i'm not reading my bible tonight either.

Now I am Unbreakable...wait, is that a crack?

I want to give up. "Give what up?", you ask. All of it.

Ozark. God. Morals. I want to live like i want to live. I want to drink all i want, smoke all i want, have all the sex i want, and not care. I want to stop living destitute and start making some real money with a real job. I want to stop caring about other people and feeling guilty for when i have a "minor" screw up.

But I can't.

God has so entwined himself within me. If i did that, i would need a new home, family, friends, job...even personality, dreams, goals, desires. I can't drop God without dropping everything i hold dear. But it seems like i can't be happy while serving God.

I said I again...and again...

it's all about me. I hate it that i'm struggling with lust to the capacity i was last year. Summer's here, and i'm not at all excited. I'm pretty good at undressing girls in my head, but when they come in wearing hardly anything anyways...

I'm tired of it. I claim to be different, but i act just like the gangbanger next to me. only differnce is he actully goes and has sex with a girl, while i just wish i did. And srry for the "rawness" of this post. betcha didn't know i was such a perv!

Something's gotta give. I can't serve myself while serving God, and i Can't serving God while serving myself. there's no middle ground, no compramise, it's me or God.

I think God will win...but only cuz i'm too lazy to re-live my life...

Selfish or Selfless?

Its really quite confusing trying to hear God's voice at first. I've always looked for the voice telling me to do the unselfish act. But what if what I want is what God wants? i'm not willing to Reach this goal without God, and if I Get the word from the Boss, it will no longer be a goal. But have I? Did God already say drop it and I just missed it?

I want to Do what God wants. And if this isn't of God, i don't want any part of it. But is that really true? or am I trying to give life to something God already Asked me to sacrifice?

I Samuel 15:22 - But Samuel replied:
"Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the LORD ? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams.

Did I screw up?

Ramblings of a dead man...

I don't understand.
Am I a failure?
Are they important?
Is this your will?
Will I always have this "achilles heel"?
Girls are dumb.
Boys are dumber.
Girls should know better.
She's not really all that.
My bible is dusty.
I never say Amen, only put you on hold.
I want to sing.
I want to cry.
I want an "August Rush".
I am cheesy.
I am sarcastic.
I need Sleep.

This has been an update from you're local "Dead Man Walking"...

The force is...strong, in this one...

As the school year comes to a close, i look back on what I, one who was not in school, have learned ths semester. I some ways, i have grown at an accellerated rate, and yet still other ways i have stood firm or even backslid. But i am not the man i was on January 18th, 2008. Even though i have not been in school, God's been teaching me ministry, Labratory style.

Talking to people at work, Living at home with my family, Touching the lives in my youth Group, and even supporting my friends back at Ozark. God has found ways to use me and help me find out how i can serve him better. I've watched people grow in the Lord, and it gives me a high. I've watched people discover thier inner gifts to serve and it makes me write songs! I'm pastoring others and i can't stop!

la la la la

so i haven't posted in 3 weeks...

and i'm not really posting now. i have work at 6 am, so bed calls to me.

but i will share this thought...

I watched iron man tonight. in one scene, Tony Stark's "Personal Assistant" and only friend decides to quit. Tony say, " i can't do this without you". She says, "I won't watch you kill yourself".

Tony looks her in the eyes and says, "I should be dead right now. So why am I alive if it's not for a purpose? I'm not crazy, i just finally know what i'm supposed to do!" and goes on from there.

With the circumstances surrounding my birth alone (barring other points of my life), God has to have a plan for me. But i need to come closer to him so i can hear him when he tells me what i'm supposed to be doing.