Now I am Unbreakable...wait, is that a crack?

I want to give up. "Give what up?", you ask. All of it.

Ozark. God. Morals. I want to live like i want to live. I want to drink all i want, smoke all i want, have all the sex i want, and not care. I want to stop living destitute and start making some real money with a real job. I want to stop caring about other people and feeling guilty for when i have a "minor" screw up.

But I can't.

God has so entwined himself within me. If i did that, i would need a new home, family, friends, job...even personality, dreams, goals, desires. I can't drop God without dropping everything i hold dear. But it seems like i can't be happy while serving God.

I said I again...and again...

it's all about me. I hate it that i'm struggling with lust to the capacity i was last year. Summer's here, and i'm not at all excited. I'm pretty good at undressing girls in my head, but when they come in wearing hardly anything anyways...

I'm tired of it. I claim to be different, but i act just like the gangbanger next to me. only differnce is he actully goes and has sex with a girl, while i just wish i did. And srry for the "rawness" of this post. betcha didn't know i was such a perv!

Something's gotta give. I can't serve myself while serving God, and i Can't serving God while serving myself. there's no middle ground, no compramise, it's me or God.

I think God will win...but only cuz i'm too lazy to re-live my life...