i'm about to smell you something

Have you ever thought about how underrated our sense of smell is? according to science, the sense of smell is most closely associated with our memory banks, so smells bring back memories faster than any other sense, although eyesight holds a close second.

Yesterday and today have proved this for me. Yesterday, one of my neibors was mowing his lawn, and another was burning brush. today, i got to smell the aftermath of a spring-time thunderstorm. all of these smells remind me of Summer camp, without fail. Specificlly of the summer camp during which I committed my life to Full-time Ministry for the Lord.

That week was full of ups and downs for me as I made several new friends, caught up with old ones, and even broke up with a girl. But i can remember the humidity, the taste of my tears mixed with sweat, the tug in my stomach forcing me to stand and raise my hand, even though it seemed like every part of me fought against that action. I've told many of you that i was dragged kicking and screaming into the ministry. That's almost true in the sense that i honestly didn't want to stand, but i had too. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep if i didn't. I Knew that God wanted me too. I knew that i Knew God wanted me too.

I needed to smell that, to remember that. I've been wondering if i was wrong. if i mis-interpreted God. If somehow, I answered a call I didn't receive. But the very outdoors proclaims the Glory of God to me. It reminds me that i spend WAY to much time thinking about MYself. Nature is in a constant state of glorifying God.

That's where I wanna be.

Am I a failure?

I've done so much wrong. yes, theres so much right, but that was mostly God. He can pack up and move somewhere else. why bother with me?

I was reminded of Samson today. he was a failure. he had a horrible temper, was extremly arragant, and eventully fell because of a seductress. he died a blind slave of the philistenes. so after his enourmous failures, what gave him the strength, the will to try again?

God doesn't give up on people. Samson's death outweight all the failures of his life. No matter how much you think u've failed, God is ready to give a 2nd, or 3rd, or whatever chance to go again. He wants you to succeed, to be what he made you to be. By being who he made you to be, you bring glory to God.

the vaugest, most randomist, un-understood by anyone but the poster ever...not to mention longest title...

why?

My brother's speck, and my plank

I don't quite know how to lead into this conclsion. So i'll just tell you the conclusion, then how i got there. I'm a spoiled little brat. ok, thats the easy part, now pull up a chair and i'll tell you a tale...

So basiclly, as you may know, i'm a "miracle baby"...literally. My heart stopped beating while my mom was in emergency surgery. my dad prayed that if God saved me, My dad would commit me to him. The doctor pronounced me dead...then my heart started beating again. The doctor expected brain damage, and while some may argue otherwise XD, I have none.

now, fast forward roughly 16 years...

after a year of "just ok" grades at a rediculously-high priced christian high school, I recieved a full-ride scholorship to attend Grace. till i graduated. basiclly a $8000 scholorship.

Fast forward 1 year...

I get a job at QuikTrip. very high paying, high morale work atmosphere. and out of 66 stores in thetulsa area, i get assigned the one 4 minutes from my house. not only that, i have a manager who turns out to be a good friend.

Fast forward 3 months...

At a CIY conferance with over 800 high school students, i recieve a Scholorship to ozark by default because I was the only one at that particular conferance who wanted to attend ozark.

Fast forward 6 months...to now...

I'm not going to ozark because of "less than ok" grades, i'm still working at QuikTrip, and i just got assigned to the Schedule of 6:30am-2:30pm, Mon-Fri. Dream Schedule. And yet, i'm still chasing the night assistant job. Why? cuz it pays more?

I'm also the Intern at Inola Christian Church. Working nights, that was rough. But with my new schedule, i can help out at the church, hang out with kids after school, go on trips with the Youth Group, and still have free time. with said free time, i can work odd jobs and such, or hang out with friends on the weekends when they come down, instead of not sleeping for fear of taking the day off. so why work nights?

that is the question...

I'm talking to my manger tomorrow. i'm getting my name taken off the promotion list.

God has been flooding my life with blessings since before I could say the word blessing. I have been blind to his love, to his plan. If God is working this hard to keep me on track, he must have a plan for me. So instead of ignoring his blessings and whining about it not being my way, i'm going to try God's way, i'm going to accept his blessings, use them, and stop thinking my plan is the only way to go.

Unknown Song (to be continued)

Sitting here, all alone
On my own, royal throne
I got my wish, I was right
but now i can't, sleep at night

I thought you were, all i'd need
but your not it, i'm not complete
so here I go, i'll trade you in
to the one, who can forgive sin

Good Friday?

I've always found it odd that "Good" Friday is the day that Jesus died. What was good about that? the worst atrocity ever commited by the human race, and it's Good?

I watched the Passion again at the lock-in on wensday night. the scene with Jesus and the 2 robbers stuck with me. One man sneers at Jesus "failure" to prove himself as the Son of God. The other robber defends Jesus saying, "our punishment is just, but he is innocent. Lord you would be right in condemning me, but I ask that you remember me when u return to your kingdom." Jesus, of course responds, "Surely this day you will be with me in paradise."

Jesus was there, dieing the death of a criminal...because he was. and because he was, i'm not. nor are you. nor is anyone who believes that Jesus was the Son of God. God willingly came and died 1972 years ago today in order that we might "be with him in paradise".

And that, friends, is why today is Good Friday.

Praise God!

Bi-polar-ism

Let me paint an image in your mind...

Alright, first, go back in time with me 1971 years, today. Now travel from whereever u are to Jerusalem. Now, envision the hordes of people standing in the streets, all there attention placed on one man. he doesn't seem great, he's dressed normally, nor is he extraordinarily beautiful, and yet, these people are praiseing him. they are cheering him. They are...Worshiping him.

now, fast forward 5 days.

Same people. Same Street. Same man. But the man, he's bloody. He's carrying a cross. and the people. they're not cheering anymore. now thier jeering. yelling. spitting. And the man takes it all. His lack of pride 5 days ago is now revisited. His humility to undergo such torment...is beyond me...

What about you? i'm Sure you've praised God. But is your devotion too him as strong as it was? if not, fix it. do not be ashamed, but changed. Christ will forgive you.

"Father, Forgive them. For they know not what they do."

I swear an oath...

I've been struggling lately. Struggling with something that is not inherently sinful, but nonetheless, I would call it sin. St. Augustine defined sin as "having a completly natural desire, and trying desparately to fulfill that desire without God." That definatly describes the situation. The worst part is, not only am I struggling, but I have been a stumbling block for someone else. My lack of Fellowship with God could be blamed largely in part to this situation. I have had my time and attention elsewhere and once again placed something above the Holy One.

I have a Passion. A passion for knighthood, service, bondage. The Lord of Lords has given me an unquenchable thirst to advance his kingdom. I long to be at Ozark right now, learning about the battlefield, learning about the Kingdom Lore, learning about my enemy. And yet, here I Sit, At an "outlying border post" being bribed by the enemy with a simple trick. I almost let them get me, with thier promises of power, and happiness, and contentment.

And yet, whenever I close my Eyes, I can see myself, the way God see's me. A knight. Not just a Squire, shining shoes and cleaning arms and armor, but a Full-fleged knight. Armor Gleaming, Sheild steady, and Sword at the ready. I wouldn't want to fight me if I looked like that. So why don't I feel confidant and proud, like a knight before his enemy. My passion is to advance the kingdom, so why do I feel like hiding in the Castle until it blows over.

You know, i'm really starting to hate how much I say "I feel"...

Solomon said that when you make an oath to the Lord, do not whine at the priest that you have failed. For it is better that you do not swear an oath, than to swear one and not fulfill it. As a Knight, i've sworn an oath to God. I've sworn several oaths to God, some of them i didn't even fully understand at the time, and some of them i don't fully understand now. But nonetheless, I have sworn them, And so I will carry them out.

Alright, Step 1: Clean my soiled armor - don't dwell on the smell!! XD

Step 2: Prepare for Battle - Get geared up mentally, and prepare a battle plan to drive off the enemy. "Because knowing is half the battle"

Step 3: Charge!!! - Don't forget the other half. Go Follow your Battle Plan!!!

God's planning on me succeeding. Even i'm not Bad enough to make God a lier.

Alright, so...

here it go's...

wow...

sometimes God...

You just roll my socks up and down...

I love you...

Walk on Water

An easy day a restful night,
Nothing ever felt so right,
It seems there's nothing left to fear.

But then I wake into a Storm,
The ship is battered and it's worn,
And i'm wondering if your here.

But as I'm crying out for you,
I hear you crying for me too.

You say...

Come.
Bring yourself to me,
I Love you can't you see,
And I will make you stronger.

Come.
It will be hard it's true,
But Son i still Love you.
I'm Only Asking...
...For you to walk on Water.

It been raining for so Long,
Everything keeps going wrong,
My hands and feet I cannot feel.

I see my goal just through the rain,
The giant waves and all the pain,
But i'm still wondering if it's real.

But then you softly remind me,
What is underneath my feet.

You say...
Come.
Bring yourself to me,
I Love you can't you see,
And I will make you stronger.

Come.
It will be hard it's true,
But Son i still Love you.
I'm Only Asking...
...For you to walk on Water.

Grrr...

I've been thinking alot about that internship up at the church. I've considered not taking it because I don't want to do it unless i can put my all into it. But work is my priority right now, so i'm putting my all into that. Is there enough of me to do both? By golly there better be.

If I can't bring myself to do just a little extra at church on the grounds of little sleep, then maybe i should rethink my calling. Youth ministry is a sleepless job. What about when susie gets calls at 1am cuz she's at a party that she shouldn't be at, and needs a ride home? What about when Matt decides that his life isn't worth anything anymore? What about when the Highway patrol calls you in the middle of the night to come identify the body of a college student.

Youth ministry is rough. It takes commitment. It takes drive. It take motivation. And me? well, i'm not exactly known for having any of those qualities. And yet, i know i'm called to ministry. Seems like God messed up eh? but, God is perfect...

Dang it...Since it's not God, it must be me...

I've decided to take the internship. God thinks that i'm capable of doing this, so I Know I am. I simply need to Buck up and take it. I'm tired of being the whiner. I'm going to do this, and i'm going to stay focused on the reason for it as well...

"All power in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore, go and make disciples of every nation, baptizing them in the name of the father, the son, and the holy spirit, and teach them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always to the very end of the age."

Matt. 28:18-20