I've always talked about working with youth. I Always talk of being a Youth Minister. But what if I missed something? What if I, now getting to experiance different kinds of ministry, have now decided that Youth Ministry is not for me? How do I know i'm not just getting cold feet?
I've always wanted to be a minister, even when I was little. When I was 16 I started dreaming of having my own business. Last Fall, after several talks with Micheal Brumley and David Conrad, I decided to have a self-proclaimed minor in church planting. This summer, i got to talk with Jeannie Conrad about her love for New York, for church planting there. I read the "Irresistable Revolution" and said to myself, this is what I want to do.
All this semester, I've found myself falling away from "intellectual faith", and I've been less than thrilled while working working with youth. I now realize my view of youth ministry is based on Lock-ins, Retreats, Camps, CIY, Xbox Parties, and other bastions of ZERO spiritual growth in the church. I find myself more and more at odds with the "organized church" and more and more in love with the worldwide body of believers.
Now I'm in a church. Living the Dream. Being a Youth Minister. I Hate it. I hate the Church politics. The slander I get from the members. The condescending smiles and fake generosity. The way they treat me as some child. They tell me what I do is important, but give me zero capacity with which to work. I pick up kids, bring them to church(so the building is more full) and then I take them home. I'm not even responsible to have lessons, just to "Have them doing somthing" to quote the pastor. The parents don't care about the kids. It's all about the church "feeling good" because they have a youth program. They have "growth". So instead of working at something, they can sit back and relax on it.
Don't get me wrong, I love the kids. But I don't want to see them only twice a week. and when I do see them, I have them all, from ages 2 to 22. That is no enviroment condusive to any learning. Besides that, i only get these guys for about 2 hours a week. That's room for "enormous growth". But I Can't live life with them because I live so far away and They are outside my social circle except within the church.
Maybe I should just change my major to missions. Or church planting. Or (gasp) something non-ministerial. I'm kinda tempted to just apply for the QT scholorship and just go to OSU. I could take Gen-Ed classes that will fit under just about any degree. I don't know what for, but surely it would be easier than sitting here with zero money, and living (as a friend so eloquently puts it) "Fake Life".
And once again, here I am, questioning the very fabric of my existance.
6 years ago
1 comment:
Heathen! ;)
Actually I think you get it. I wouldn't pass on to something else quite yet though. Hang in there. Change your major if you like but remember that you can still have an influence were your at right now.
Now to the topic of missions. I'm all for something like that but then again I'm biased. From what I can tell (western Europe) Christians are more genuine with their faith. I think this is because they are the minority and they are the odd ball. But guess what... there is still church politics somewhat. It is a little different. They aren't looking to fire the pastor but they do expect him/them to do all the work.
If I were you I would write up a philosophy of ministry and rework it once a year. When you apply for a ministry job let them see your philosophy. That way they know who you are and where you are going up front.
"Irresistible Revolution" is a good book. If you would like another challenging book I would recommend "Pagan Christianity?"
Talk to you later.
PS: They treat you like a child? They do that even if you are 22 and balding. :(
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