Merry Christmas

Ah, Christmas time. A time of family, friends, food, and gift giving. that last is the one everyone thinks of isn't it?

I think I've discovered a secret subliminal message.

"Merry Christmas"

Who said it - What it means

Random Stranger - "I'm being polite"
Postal Worker - Thanks for the Extra hours
Retail worker - Your signing my check buying here
Panera Employee - Got out of the way there are 20 people in line behind you
Your boss - Glad YOU get holidays off

Ah, good ol' American Capitalism is alive and well...

Stupid

Did you have to use that word?

Should I be worried...

...that I can't think of anything to say that would be appropriate for the World Wide Web to see?

People

Yesterday at Panera bread, I was reminded that people are not just tools. People are people, created in the Image of God, and paid for by the blood of Christ. Each and everyone of them unique. It was two mentally disabled strangers that reminded me of this.

Why did it take them? Why couldn't it have been my friends I've been abusing? What my roommate I've been taking advantage of? Or my Finance' whom I have been a stranger too?

Got this from Mosaic Mercy...

Jesus is washing Obama's feet...

And Osama...

And George W. Bush...

Do we forget our Lord's great Love for ALL men?

How I feel...

Give me wings,
Give me peace.
These are the things that I need.
I'm tormented, broken and shamed
Are you listening?

Give me shelter from the storm,
I know it's a lot to ask for,
Considering how recent I've piled the dirt on your name.
Are you listening?

In this where I am for your sake,
Stuck between sleep and awake?
My mind is dreaming of things.
Are you listening?

I took you for granted again
And threw you aside
And pretended for one minute that I had control of my life,
And direction it seemed to be in
I was wrong again...
are you listening?

I will wait for you to come again,
And I can't pretend like I'm confident
And I can't pretend like it makes much sense when it doesn't.

Stories

I've been Reading(A Million Miles in a Thousand Years) about how Donald Miller has learned more about himself but simply studying the dynamics of a story. I've learned recently about how I've become the antagonist in my story, instead of the protagonist. Reading this book makes me want to live more intentionally.

I find it quite ironic that, recently, I have been pushing the players in my RPG group to learn who their characters are, and to act as if they are that character. I want them to Role-Play Intentionally. Why is it such a big deal? Grand quests, epic adventures, and heroism are tasks achieved by people, not robots. Why does a story work that way? According to Donald Miller, "Stories are a condensed form of life".

Oh Snap!

If I want to have a life full of grand adventures, heroism, and excitement, I need to start living like a person who cares about things, who has beliefs and opinions. People without many opinions or much drive to fight for them are the easiest to get along with, but those people with opinions who can tell you all about them without destroying you are the most interesting, popular, and Fun people. Its the people who believe in something so strongly that they are willing to DO SOMETHING about it who are the leaders of peoples hearts and minds.

Coin is Tossed...

It is, for all intents and purposes, "in the air"...

It's falling, falling, choosing a side...

I'm blowing, and waving, to move it...

But I have no control, no matter what I tell myself...

The coin (cont.)

I must remember, I am not the only one with a two sided coin...

The coin landed...

...and it wasn't on the side I expected...

And yet, I didn't flip the coin...

I placed it.

I didn't let life happen to me,

I happened to live.

...

And i'm not even Chuck Norris. :)

Two sides of one coin

Two separate emblems
a tail and a head,
but when on paper,
only one word is read.

The coin is the same
regardless of side
and neither is greater
but balanced in-tide.

Each side is quite different
that is plain to see,
with good things and bad things
each to the same degree.

And so they are even
and one must now choose,
which bad thing is lesser
or which good thing to lose.

The Wall

I did what you've been asking, no, BEGGING me to do, something I've been afriad of...

...I spoke, boldly, truthfully, and honestly...

...And my fear was realized ten-fold.

Redo?

Is it normal to look back over your life and wish you could redo some things? not all of it, just maybe a year or 2. And not even everything but just the things you did wrong...terribly wrong. Oh how I wish I could change things, build habits that would've helped, made relationships that were important, and strengthened existing ones that are now broken down...

Ces't Le Vie'...

Weary

I'm Tired of a few things...

• I'm tired of getting hung up on by people I am trying to help. I sincerely want to help them, and it hurts a little when they don't even let me try.
• I'm tired of being judged unfairly. I make this one mistake and suddenly i'm at the bottom again. all of my "above and beyond" performance (your own words) is forgotten in the light of this one mistake I made!
• I'm tired of females. Do NOT hear me say I'm tried of Jessie. I adore her. but for more reasons than I care to explain I would love a "Male only" day or two.
• I'm tired of this concrete kingdom, of being surrounded by roads, cars, gas stations, buildings, radios, machinery, cell phones, and noise! I HATE that my work has trees imprisoned in its parking lot for "good looks". the trees look like their dying! I want to walk in a forest, listen to a brook, lay in the grass, watch the wind sweep across a field, watch the sunset from a mountain or hilltop.
• I'm tired of being surrounded by people obsessed with being sexual. they seem to make it a point to be hard on those of us who are not. Oh yeah, and they constantly remind that they are "recruiting". Virginity truly is a treasure, and it becomes more valuable every day, sometimes by the hour. I can't wait to give it to My wife one day to show her how important she is.
• I hate the corporate world. I'm so tired of feeling I'm worth less if I'm not at least moving towards the top. I JUST WANT TO START MY OWN BUSINESS!!! WHETHER I GET PROMOTED OR NOT IS NOT A MEASURE OF MY WORTH AS A PERSON!!! ITS NOT EVEN WHAT I WANT TO DO!!!

Phew...glad I got that out before my head exploded...

Why

Why? That is the question I ponder tonight...

Why did you pick me, out of all the options? Why didn't I read the warnings? Why did I creep forward? Why didn't I charge forward?

Why did I choose the friends I'm surrounded with? Why did I pick him? Why do I hang out with her? Why don't I scrutinize more?

Why did I follow my eye's curiosity all those years ago?

Why did I let you do this to your life? Why did I snatch away your freedom? Why does it seem like I'm killing your soul?

Why do I always blame things on other people? Why don't I take responsibility? Why don't I stand up for what I believe in? Why don't I stand up for a friend?

Why don't I let myself be Angry? Why do I stifle my Passion? Why don't I let myself Feel?

Why do I wish I could re-live the last 10 years of my life?