From the Inside out

I just realized something. How often I Journal is a reflection of how close I am to God. When I am Closer to God, I am more reflective, and thus, journal more often.

I Love Music. Those who know me well, know this well. Those who know me intimately know I try to communicate through it. I will play a song from my IPod to say something to someone who needs to hear it. I did it just yesterday.

However, I Think God does the same thing to me sometimes when I have it on Shuffle mode. I Heard the Song "Those Nights" by Skillet, which really got me thinking about Keri, something I’ve been doing a lot of lately. Next came "Who I Am hates who I’ve been" followed by "More than Useless" both by reliant K. These two song affirmed my knowledge of having made the right decision and of not being lonely, which i have been struggling with the past month or so.

Finally, God finished his combo with a worship song, "From the Inside Out", probably my favorite worship song. The second verse is just perfect.

Your will above all else,
My Purpose Remains,
The Art of Losing Myself,
In Bringing you Praise.

I Love that, Telling God I want to be less so that is more. Beautiful. But even Better.

In My heart and my soul,
I Give you Control,
Consume me From the Inside Out.

Let Justice and Praise,
Become My Embrace,
To Love you From the Inside Out.

I've only recently come to learn that I don't love God. I want to Love him, but I constantly fail to make an effort to do so.

I Love my Friends. And so, I make an effort to spend time with them, even if I think it's boring or not what I wanted to do. It's not that way with me and God. God is Knee-Deep in my life, and I try to ignore it. When I see him move, I go, "Ya, Good one!", almost like saying, "Atta-boy, good dog!" I'm Tired of it.

I Treat the master of all like an animal, or even a vending machine.

So God...

I'm Sorry For,
The Person I became.
I'm Sorry that,
It took so long for me to Change.
I'm ready Too,
Be Sure I Never Become that way again,
Cuz who I am hates who I’ve been.