I

I thought we had this one beat,
But it seems that it's not quite dead.
I thought it was just you and me,
But I find this Idol still in my hand.

And now I sit here asking myself,
Why it's so hard to take you off the shelf.
And put you back into your rightful place,
Near to my heart that was changed by your Grace.

I wanna feel love.
I wanna know passion.
I wanna do all of the things that your askin.
I wanna take you,
And set people free.
I wanna take the focus off of me.

I thought I could do this myself,
But it seems I just wound up alone.
I thought this was for someone else,
But My objectives were again my own.

And now I sit here asking myself,
Why it's so hard to take you off the shelf.
And put you back into your rightful place,
Near to my heart that was changed by your Grace.

I wanna feel love.
I wanna know passion.
I wanna do all of the things that your askin.
I wanna take you,
And set people free.
I wanna take the focus off of me.

Cuz you are the God,
Who reigns above,
Showering down
Your endless Love.
You are the God
Whose forgiven me,
By letting yourself be hung on a tree.

you showed me love.
you showed me passion.
you showed me all of the things that your askin.
and you asked me to,
go set people free.
You said "the focus is me"

Cuz You are the God,
Who reigns above,
Showering down
Your endless Love.
You are the God
Whose forgiven me,
By letting yourself be hung on a tree.

I have a dream....

for psychology we have to do one out of class project. the one i chose is a dream journal. basiclly, i follow my dreams thorughout the semester, take notes as soon as i wake up, and do extra things to ensure i remember them better. I had a doozie of a dream this afternoon during my nap.

some presently held hypothesis on dreams:

Ferenczi[18] proposed that the dream, when told, may communicate something that is not being said outright.

Dreams are like the cleaning-up operations of computers when they are off-line, removing parasitic nodes and other "junk" from the mind during sleep.[19][20]

Dreams create new ideas through the generation of random thought mutations. Some of these may be rejected by the mind as useless, while others may be seen as valuable and retained. Blechner[21] calls this the theory of "Oneiric Darwinism."

Dreams regulate mood.[22]

Hartmann[23] says dreams may function like psychotherapy, by "making connections in a safe place" and allowing the dreamer to integrate thoughts that may be dissociated during waking life.

More recent research by Griffin has led to the formulation of the 'expectation fulfillment theory of dreaming', which suggests that dreaming metaphorically completes patterns of emotional expectation and lowers stress levels.

Regardless, this dream of mine has had nothing of an interpretation so far. that is actully one thing i'm supposed to do for the assignment is take a gander at interpreting it. however, i would prefer to wait till some of the emotions from the dream have settled. the danger of sufacing dreams, is you are literally taking a piece of your subconcious mind and pulling it into the concious world. after my nap today, I had to ask my buddy joe if a certain event had taken place in real life or just in my dream, as i wasn't sure.

Through all this, i hope to learn more about myself, and through that, I hope to grow closer to God.

Passion

I think i know the subject of my Song...Passion...

I keep hearing that word. Jeramiah 20:9 has been repeated to me to the point of annoyance, and yet it describes me so. If I can't preach, If i can't minister, if i can't show people who Jesus is, my life is suffering. I pray that this stays with me. i'm so motivated right now. i'm even a little ahead on my homework! (gasp)

Passion. A "fire in my bones". I'm ready Lord. Here I am, Send me!

arhhh!!

I want so bad to get this song out of me. I can't formulate the words.

It's killing me, ever so slowly...

Release

Sometimes...

...you just have to let go...

...But i can't feel my hand...

You want some cheese with that Whine?

I dare say i am one of the whiniest people i know. I even whine about whiny people. Even myself! Why God has chosen me I don't know, but i do know that Whiny-ness stems from ungratefulness, which stems from selfishness. Therefore, i will make an effort to rid myself of Whiny-ness so as to better serve Him.

Roll Call!!

Woody Wilkenson, a Proffesor at OCC, is one of my favorite people. Today we were doing typical first day stuff, going over the sylibus, and we came to attendance. He said if it were up to him he wouldn't take attendance. He thinks that the reason we students came to OCC and pay a huge sum of money and choose to take his class is because we are firmly convicted in our faith and have sold out for the faith. We have realized that we don't own our own lives anymore and we have no right to be selfish, only to advance the kingdom.

I know i wasn't last fall. If there were no tests or attendance, i'm not sure how often I would have showed up to class. And now, I am convicted. I know my life is not my own, I know I have no excuse to be selfish. I reflect that (or try to) in my big decisions. However, It hasn't filtered down into Everyday life. So that's my Project for this semester: To act out the part of what I actully am...

...A Dead man... walking...

Worry Wart

I'm here. I've worked so hard, and tried so much to make it here, and it seems like a dream. I'm seeing old friends, making new ones, relearning the ropes, and learning new tricks along the Way. I've missed being here, the people, the atmosphere. And yet, I'm still worried...

A friend jokingly said exactly what i've been thinking all week. I was picking on shane(as usual) and told him i'd be around all the time to do so. A friend said, "Yeah, but patrick hasn't made it through enrollment yet, so he may not be with us." Last semester, enrollment was my undoing. I was all moved in, had taken a winter session course, met everyone, the whole deal. Then WHAM!!! I find out i can't attend because i can't pay.

Worry is a waste of energy. I pride myself on being enery efficient, not even showing emotion unless I really care about something. Well, i really care about this. This is my life. My Dream. My...His Plan.

...That what It boils down too. I'm out of my comfort zone. I'm here simply to lay my life down, and that makes me vunerable byt typical standards. I need to remember who is really in charge. After all, God cares for the birds, and he pretty much brought me back from the dead. I Believe God has a plan for me and knows what he's doing.

Maturity

Latley i've been thinking alot...i've just been too "energy efficient" to blog about it.

The Main thing that has dominated my thinking is a particular desire of mine. There's nothing wrong with it, except I told God that he came first. If i missed out on this desire of mine in order to serve God, so be it. Maybe he'd give it too me later, or maybe never at all...The point is, i surrendered it to God...

...In Words...

Yesterday, when we Baptized Art, I was thinking about my own focus on God. I've seen Art pour himself into the scripture's. He's read more of his bible in the past 2 weeks than i have in this whole year! I'm so excited for art, for his eagerness, his hunger, his...passion!

...Then I wonder where mine is. Me, the "Mature" Christian...

I'm Sorry God. I put up an Idol before you. I'm going to tear it down. Help me no longer make sacrifices to it, but only to you. For you are the Living God, and only you are worthy of my praise. I need your help, but i know that together, we can make it!