It Seems I have a Messiah Complex.
I have a hard time letting things go. I have this Idea in my head that I can fix any problem, anytime, anywhere. And many times I won't let go of something even if it's not worth recovering anymore.
Now this, of course can lead to problems, as I can be hurt by things repeatedly while I fruitlessly try to fix them. It also leads to a certain level of guilt, as I believe it was my responsibility to fix, so by failing I fail not only myself, but anyone else involved. This is why I can sometimes be a chameleon, changing myself into whatever I need to be to "Fix the Problem". However, extended periods of Changing leave me feeling fake and useless.
On the flip side, this can be a strength, as it takes A LOT for me to give up on something I've buckled down and committed too. I'll ride the boat down into the water, repairing it even as it sinks, praying that if i fix this one spot, it will sail to a shipyard where I can Really Repair it. Sometimes this has HUGE payoffs, as I have saved relationships, jobs, and wound up back at school doing this.
I Know that my ability to change is a part of who I am. However, if I focus on it, and ignore the rest, I forget who I am. There are parts of me that I don't want to change, parts that are not affected by my "shifting" unless I go for a long time. The "shifting" is important to me, and it's something about myself I love and would NEVER trade, but it's very dangerous to myself and others.
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The other parts of me I wouldn't change: I'm Loyal to my friends. I think this is a part of that Messiah Complex. I have a very hard time letting people go, even if they're not beneficial or important to me. I could never intentionally cheat on my spouse or significant other, and I honestly don't understand it when people do. Having feelings like that for more than one person at a time just doesn't seem possible to me. Monogamy is the only possibility in my mind. It's not even an issue of it being right or wrong, but simply of ability.
I also grow attached to certain people quickly. When I meet someone, within 5 minutes of conversation and observation, I have all their stereotypes pegged. My mission from that point on becomes to get to know you better to destroy those stereotypes. With certain people, I find their personalities so undesirable that I just tend to leave them in their stereotypes. With other people, I quickly grow close to them, Especially if they choose to Confide in Me(See
Trust). When People Confide in me, My Messiah Complex comes into play, and I try to help them become better and, if nothing else, happier people.
Regardless of what people may think, I'm VERY emotional. Much as I seem to have a hard time expressing Emotion, I more often think with my feelings than with my head. In fact, one of my biggest problems is I make quick decisions based on feelings, and no head knowledge. However, I've made decisions that I thought so long over that I forgot how I felt. My decisions were "the Smart ones" but some of them i don't think were "the Right ones". I've always "searched my feelings" and tried to have a command of the facts at the same time. Feelings tend to carry more weight than facts, at least to me, so that's usually where my decisions wind up taking me.
