Really?

i've been struggling with apathy today. its because of having high expectations getting shot down. I'm tired of it. show i stopped expecting. i stopped waiting for God to work. I stopped wishing things were different. I went into they way life was, not expecting it to change in my favor...and it didn't!

I'm almost at a point where i stop asking for God to move because i'm just tired of caring. It's not the correct additude at all, but its there. I want to treat my brothers and sisters with love and kindness, and yet, i don't want to expect anything anymore. I don't want to be a optimist anymore, but i don't want to be a pesimest either.

Can I figure this out? I think not, i've been trying for awhile now. Can you? I know you already have it figured out, but could you fill me in anytime soon?