I swear an oath...

I've been struggling lately. Struggling with something that is not inherently sinful, but nonetheless, I would call it sin. St. Augustine defined sin as "having a completly natural desire, and trying desparately to fulfill that desire without God." That definatly describes the situation. The worst part is, not only am I struggling, but I have been a stumbling block for someone else. My lack of Fellowship with God could be blamed largely in part to this situation. I have had my time and attention elsewhere and once again placed something above the Holy One.

I have a Passion. A passion for knighthood, service, bondage. The Lord of Lords has given me an unquenchable thirst to advance his kingdom. I long to be at Ozark right now, learning about the battlefield, learning about the Kingdom Lore, learning about my enemy. And yet, here I Sit, At an "outlying border post" being bribed by the enemy with a simple trick. I almost let them get me, with thier promises of power, and happiness, and contentment.

And yet, whenever I close my Eyes, I can see myself, the way God see's me. A knight. Not just a Squire, shining shoes and cleaning arms and armor, but a Full-fleged knight. Armor Gleaming, Sheild steady, and Sword at the ready. I wouldn't want to fight me if I looked like that. So why don't I feel confidant and proud, like a knight before his enemy. My passion is to advance the kingdom, so why do I feel like hiding in the Castle until it blows over.

You know, i'm really starting to hate how much I say "I feel"...

Solomon said that when you make an oath to the Lord, do not whine at the priest that you have failed. For it is better that you do not swear an oath, than to swear one and not fulfill it. As a Knight, i've sworn an oath to God. I've sworn several oaths to God, some of them i didn't even fully understand at the time, and some of them i don't fully understand now. But nonetheless, I have sworn them, And so I will carry them out.

Alright, Step 1: Clean my soiled armor - don't dwell on the smell!! XD

Step 2: Prepare for Battle - Get geared up mentally, and prepare a battle plan to drive off the enemy. "Because knowing is half the battle"

Step 3: Charge!!! - Don't forget the other half. Go Follow your Battle Plan!!!

God's planning on me succeeding. Even i'm not Bad enough to make God a lier.

Alright, so...

here it go's...