Saturday, October 24, 2009

Redo?


Is it normal to look back over your life and wish you could redo some things? not all of it, just maybe a year or 2. And not even everything but just the things you did wrong...terribly wrong. Oh how I wish I could change things, build habits that would've helped, made relationships that were important, and strengthened existing ones that are now broken down...

Ces't Le Vie'...

Friday, October 16, 2009

Weary

I'm Tired of a few things...

  • I'm tired of getting hung up on by people I am trying to help. I sincerely want to help them, and it hurts a little when they don't even let me try.
  • I'm tired of being judged unfairly. I make this one mistake and suddenly i'm at the bottom again. all of my "above and beyond" performance (your own words) is forgotten in the light of this one mistake I made!
  • I'm tired of females. Do NOT hear me say I'm tried of Jessie. I adore her. but for more reasons than I care to explain I would love a "Male only" day or two.
  • I'm tired of this concrete kingdom, of being surrounded by roads, cars, gas stations, buildings, radios, machinery, cell phones, and noise! I HATE that my work has trees imprisoned in its parking lot for "good looks". the trees look like their dying! I want to walk in a forest, listen to a brook, lay in the grass, watch the wind sweep across a field, watch the sunset from a mountain or hilltop.
  • I'm tired of being surrounded by people obsessed with being sexual. they seem to make it a point to be hard on those of us who are not. Oh yeah, and they constantly remind that they are "recruiting". Virginity truly is a treasure, and it becomes more valuable every day, sometimes by the hour. I can't wait to give it to My wife one day to show her how important she is.
  • I hate the corporate world. I'm so tired of feeling I'm worth less if I'm not at least moving towards the top. I JUST WANT TO START MY OWN BUSINESS!!! WHETHER I GET PROMOTED OR NOT IS NOT A MEASURE OF MY WORTH AS A PERSON!!! ITS NOT EVEN WHAT I WANT TO DO!!!
Phew...glad I got that out before my head exploded...

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Why


Why? That is the question I ponder tonight...

Why did you pick me, out of all the options? Why didn't I read the warnings? Why did I creep forward? Why didn't I charge forward?

Why did I choose the friends I'm surrounded with? Why did I pick him? Why do I hang out with her? Why don't I scrutinize more?

Why did I follow my eye's curiosity all those years ago?

Why did I let you do this to your life? Why did I snatch away your freedom? Why does it seem like I'm killing your soul?

Why do I always blame things on other people? Why don't I take responsibility? Why don't I stand up for what I believe in? Why don't I stand up for a friend?

Why don't I let myself be Angry? Why do I stifle my Passion? Why don't I let myself Feel?

Why do I wish I could re-live the last 10 years of my life?

Monday, September 21, 2009

The Face of Love

I've seen your face on stained glass, in colored lights
In pictures of you looking to the sky
You've been portrayed a thousand different ways
But my heart can see you better than my eyes
'Cause it's love that paints the portrait of your life

The face of love
The face of love
You look more like love every day

I've read your words in the pages of your life
And I've imagined what you were like
I may not know the shape of your face
But I can feel your heart changing mine
And your love still proves that you're alive

The face of love
The face of love
You look more like love every day


You are the face that changed the whole world
No one too lost for you to love
No one too low for you to serve
So give us the grace to change the world
No one too lost for me to love
No one too low for me to serve

Let us see... let us be your face
let us be your face

The face of love
The face of love
You look more like love every day


~Sanctus Real

eh?

haha...muggles...

so ingenious they are

Friday, September 11, 2009

Coolest Blog ever

Little Miss Muffet,
Sat on her tuffet,
Drinking her gasoline.

Along came a spider,
with a cigarette lighter
And blew Muffet to smithereens!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Bad Day...



  • So work sucked,
  • My neck hurt,
  • My phone is broken,
  • The bank is a Jerk,
  • My date plans changed,
  • then they changed again,
  • then they changed back last minute,
  • Then I ate 3 gluten filled items,
  • Then I realized Amazon is 3 days late on paying me,
  • then I was almost late to my date...

Then I forgot all that...
For 3 of the most wonderful hours of my life...

Ladies and Gents,
Jessie Denbow is my Fiance' !!!!

(turns around)
(SCREAMS, YELLS WOOTS CLAPS HOLLERS AND DANCES)
(turn back around calmly)

My day wasn't so back I guess. ;)

Friday, September 4, 2009

same-oh, same-oh

Its been this way for days...weeks...nope, months...

Who is to say its going to ever change? Maybe I'm the only one who can change it.

Circles

Both from the same town,
born and raised,
but in two different circles,
were their choices made.

One in the country
with sky's deepest blue,
the other 'neath city lights
of all different hues.

And then for a short time
their circles were crossed.
And yet in this short time
their separateness lost.

Now once again
these 2 separate souls
are making their choices
in circles alone.

But hidden from eyesight
and the scrutiny of man,
Is their secret circle,
made of one silver strand.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Fish Tacos

Fish Tacos

Ingredients:

6 Corn Taco shells
2 Tilapia Fillets
1/2 cup diced onions
1/2 cup diced mushrooms
4 tablesppoons Olive Oil
1 tblsp. Chili powder
3 cloves freshly diced garlic
crushed dried red peppers
Grated cheese
Spinich leaves

1) ut 2 tblsp. of olive oil in a skillit. Suatee the onions, mushrooms, and garlic.

2) in a separate skillet, put the rest of the olive oil in, and fry the tilapia fillets until they easily flake.

3) slice up the tilapia fillets into bits and add the vegetable mixture. add chili powder, red peppers, and mix.

4) heat up the taco shells. put on meat mixture, then cheese, then spinach leaves.

5) Enjoy!

Serves 6

Prep time: 20 mins

Beautiful Soul

I went to the Social Security Administration Office today expecting once heck of a boring time waiting, then talking with a sour-faced, ugly, over-worked government agent who would try to make my day as bad as her's. I was pleasantly surprised.

My wait was very short, just couple minutes. The lady who helped me was sweet, pleasant, beautiful, and ... autistic. She had to use her entire right hand to hold my driver's license. She held the mouse with a slanted left hand, which held a huge 3-set diamond ring. They were at least 1 carat a piece. I fought back the urge to tear up as she told me about her sister in Oklahoma, and about her wonderful husband and how good he is too her, and about her 2 boys! Her face was so bright, so happy. That's why she was so beautiful. Her eyes glimmered with the joy of love and contentment.

I think if my soul was half as beautiful as this sweet woman's, I would not complain about my life. I would not be so selfish. I would do things like fill out the 4 page Social Security Card Request Form for people so they didn't have to. She did that for me, even though I could have moved the mouse faster, and typed with more agility.

Sometimes, I envy people with disabilities for their happiness. All of us normal people seem to be sad, whiny and selfish! ;)

Here's a secret for you

A lot of the time, I avoid doing things because I simply assume I'm going to fail (or at least do poorly). I don't like failing at anything (most people don't). For some reason however, I will sometimes go and do things, even though I expect to fail. What's funny is that 7/10 times I do this, the experiance goes rather well. For example, I just got hired on at a office. Like I have a cubicle. Full-time Job. Never had one before, but I've always wanted one. However, when I walked in there I thought "your wasting your time". I almost got up and left during the super long waiting periods I had. But I got the job!

Why don't I try things more often? I don't consider myself a failure deep down. Really, deep down I have humility issues. Could it be I'm afraid of actually exceeding other people's expectations? Or even my own?

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

So...

Its been a long time since I wrote a song. Like, a REALLY long time.

Also, I've been considering trying a gluten free diet for a month. they are supposed to be really healthy and really cheap. Sadly, my considering didn't finish before the turn of the month, but what the hey.

And I decided. I am going to make a flier for a christian small group and post it at MSSU. I wonder if anybody will turn up...

Thursday, August 27, 2009

I don't even know what to say...

I think its hard for me to blog because I'm not sure that anyone cares to hear what I have to say...

And even if they do, I'm not convinced they should...

-------------------------------

And so I drift in a wave of depression and self pity, someone I judge other people often, and something that will not solve anything nor serve anyone's purposes.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Fireflies

I Like to make myself believe,
That planet earth turns slowly,
Its hard to say that I'd rather be awake when i'm asleep,
Cuz everything is never as it seems.

~
Fireflies by Owl City

Watching this video again almost made me cry...

I want to dream again,
I want to have ideas,
I want to live, instead of just simply living.