Man up!!

I am an anti-confrontational person. I try to avoid ruffling people's feathers whenever possible. In fact, if I can find a way to not talk to someone about a known disagreement, I won't.

And most of the time, I'm not very opinionated. It's because I don't have a "dominant" personality, it's just i simply don't care most of the time. i'm not picky about food, music (mostly), or many other things. This has helped me avoid alot of conflict in my life.

Oddly enough, it's also caused conflict in my life. I met this girl. She's great. We're good friends. So we started dating. Little to my knowledge this girl, who is a very sarcastic and at times demanding person, Wanted a guy would stand up to her. someone who can tell her no. Someone who doesn't accept every word from her mouth as straight from the divine. And I of course, not assuming she was right, but simply not wanting to fight, didn't argue with or stand up to her. We have since talked about this and I now understand that I need to man up.

all that to say...

Recently, I've been thinking about the paradox of having "two lovers". It's so wrong, but so right. I'm in love with God, and I'm in love with this girl. And as I said before, they are in love with each other as well. Yesterday, at work, I asked God why I have to be "the man" in my relationship with her, and yet be "the girl" in my relationship with Him. Doesn't seem fair. She gets to be the girl in both, So why do I have to do all this extra work? Why do I have to play 2 separate parts?

I don't.

My problem in my relationship with Jessie is I would never question her or stand up to her. If she said something, regardless of my instincts, I assumed that what she said was what was really going on. The problem is, with girls, there is the hazard of them not saying what they really want. It's not because they're dishonest or anything, they simply don't know what they want at the time. They are being flooded with so much emotion in the moment, that they cannot make a rational decision. They try to communicate this subtly, but being a man, subtly is often lost on me(or I catch it but assume i'm wrong).

Now, when dealing with God, I don't think I have this hazard of him not knowing what he wants. But i do need to "stand up" for myself to him. When God told abraham what he was going to do to Sodom and Gamorah, Abraham said, "Will not the Almighty Do right?". He was asking if this was part of Gods character! Can "God" do such a thing?David asked Go to change his mind about killing his son. Moses asked to see God. Even Jesus(God himself) asked God "why have you forsaken me?".

God is asking me to rely on him. I rely on Jessie for many things, but I still have to be a man. otherwise, i'm a wimp. a pansee. This makes her not like me.

I don't think God wants a Pansee Patrick any more than she does.