Bursting, bursting, and burst...

I deserve to be dead before i was an hour old. I deserve to be burning in the pits of hell with a seat right next to satan for what i've done. My life has in a very real, tangible sense an abomination to the purpose that God designed me for. I know i'm forgiven. And believe me, i'm not Guilt ridden. But i realize that I deserve nothing. I am a quivering worm at the feet of an Awesome King, and for me to claim i deserve anything is absurd.

And yet, this king has not only saved me, but cares for and loves me. He tells me these desires I have are things that he created me with. I can only ask that he give them to me in his time.

I know I am called to ministry, that is NOT something i'm wondering about. But do I learn at OCC? at DCC? at college at all? And is my Ministry Primarily based in some US church youth group? in the middle of africa to a tribe that doesn't even have a written laguange, much less the Word of God?

I'm really afraid of mexico. I'm excited too, but i'm also afraid. I'm afraid God is is going to tell me more about what he wants me to be doing. And I'm afraid it's not going to be anything i'm expecting or ready for, or worse, maybe i'm right about where he wants me. I say worse because that's what i'm least ready for. However, Love is more than a feeling, it is a choice. I have chosen to Love God with ALL that I am. Therefore, if he tells me something i'm not to sure about it, I will try my hardest not to waver as i do it.

James says faith without works is dead. But I think i won't have a problem with the works, but the faith. that's so wierd. but it's how it goes.

Again, I'm still moving to Joplin and Going to OCC, but i feel i need to constantly evalute myself and my actions and motives or i may go in the right direction and fail. I don't want that.

He's worth too Much...