Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Unexpected Blessings

When I went to work last night, I expected to have a slow night, make maybe 20 bucks, and then go home and play Video games with the guys. Instead, I went to work, made almost $30, met a new Server, Talked into maybe coming to church (he's 17), had a good talk with heather, and then AFTER work i randomly decided to goto Wal-Mart. At Wal-mart, Jeremy Was sitting outside waiting for a cab! I got to give him a ride home AND we talked at his house until about 2:30 am!

I'm placed in Awe by God. I've felt so distant from him these past few weeks. but now, looking back, i've found that God doesn't feel far from me! He's placing me in these situations expecting me to excel, and I do! I got closer to Jeremy last night. It seems once again my 1st impressions were right. Me and him are VERY similer. We talked and shared, and realized we struggle with alot of the same things.

I'm very excited for this New Year. :)

Monday, December 29, 2008

Communion Serving

My church once again surprised me today. In the past, only the Elders and the Youth Minister have been able to serve communion. No longer. This Sunday a High Schooler served. But not just any Student. Kellen, our Autistic 21-year-old. As I saw this take place, it made me proud of this church. They may not have everything right, but how many human institutions do? They have quite a bit right, and they are trying VERY hard.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Ballad Unknown ~ Bait

Shifting sands are
tripping me up
my thoughts of lately
don’t seem to add up
they are
misguided and running amuck on
where this
is going
and what’s up ahead for me

And the unknown
it plagues me
and it swallows me up in doubt
my focus is shattered
and my courage is cast about

In all this I wonder
where my mind
lost its touch
the truth is
worry puts me
out in the cold

I’m missing the moment
when I made my mind up
to follow my dreams and
never to give up
but the future
it beckons
for me to make a move
to a place
I’ve not seen
and It’s hard to take that step

Imagination spent
to center on this bane
is wasted and
I’m left with nothing
more than complications
I can’t see through
can’t get my hands around this threat

And the unknown
it plagues me
and it swallows me up in doubt
my focus is shattered
and my courage is cast about

In all this I wonder
where my mind
lost its touch
the truth is
worry puts me
out in the cold

Wednesday, December 24, 2008


I've always found it amazing that Christians seem to "hate" secular music, and i've always found that odd. today, riding around with my brother, listening to non-christian music at unsafe volume levels has given me a theory; what if non-christian music actully touches us?

Christian music is very important too me. there are bands that I love and touch me. But i wonder if when we "censor" our music, we sensor one outflow of the soul. not even just for musicians, but everyone. It seems that my musician friends are more easy-going about music, but people who are not are more picky about music(that seems paradoxial).

Non christian music is Raw, Uncensored, Free. I've always "known" this, but i became aware of it today. Songs that I could be fired over at my church(probobly an exageration) that touch me soul. Songs that really touch on how I feel. Songs that I daresay give me hope. If someone else can think and feel this way, then something isn't wrong with me. i'm not different anymore. i'm not "the wildcard".

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Make it stop

It's amazing how EVERYTHING seems too hit all at once. My mind is completely full. Thoughts race through my head making it hard to focus. I can't work, sleep, read, or even play video games. I woulde trad almost anything for just a few hours of peace and quiet "upstairs". And yet, every little thing around seems to Scream reminders of one of the many things barraging my brain.

Someone, make it stop...


Rants on Lovers

What exactly defines "A Dating Couple"? What makes a "girlfriend" different from all your other friends who are girls? When exactly do u cross that line and make someone that..."special"?

Lets get the easy stuff out of the way. Facebook is not the authority, nor is Myspace, and neither is the opinions and feelings of "busybodies" who may call themselves "matchmakers". Pretty sure this is something between the 2 parties involved.

Alright, well, fromt he worldly viewpoint, The physical side could be that boundry. But then you could ask "physical how?", since you probobly occasionally touch your other "Woman Friends". So, romantic touching? Sexual touching? from the worldly view, yes! Too bad that view won't work out. A Sidenote on that.

Imagine. Everytime You say "I love you", Everytime you rub someone's back, hold thier hand, or kiss them, you are giving them a part of yourself. You are taking a moment in time and forever marking it with this event, this memory. And then, 6 months later you 2 broke up because "you didn't have chemistry". So where do all those emotions and memories go? Nowhere. They follow you, for the rest of your life. Now you're doomed to compare your "future loves" kisses, back-rubs, and even dancing ability to you're past "conquests". Congrats.

I'm not really sure how I feel about Dating. It has so many pressures, connotations, misconceptions, and shortfalls, that I think I would rather just Propose to a Good friend and skip the whole "dating" thing. (Gasp! Patrick's lost his mind! you can't skip Dating) Why? (Because, you just can't) Hmm..well, what about people in the past who never dated. they met, became friends, and went for it. (but it's a cultural thing! you have too) False. We are aliens and strangers. I think we're aloud to not be slaves to the culture we're in.

I never did answer those questions above, did I? personally, I think that 2 people who are truly in love, don't need to have "titles" to wear around and show off to others. I trully think that they can have a mutual undestanding that they just like each other alot. I am NOT saying Friends with benifits. honestly, I think dating is, at times, an excuse to kiss and hold hands, just like marriage can, at times, be an excuse for sex. Friends can touch each other affectionatly, but respectfully.

The further the friendship deepens, eventually the two people decide they want to spend thier lives with each other. This is not the first time romance enters the scene. However, it is possible to be romantic without being extremly physical. The couple gets engaged, because now thier serious. now that they are serious, they announce it too the world. Dating, is a joke. You announce it to people for bragging rights and glory.

I'm sorry if i'm stepping on people's toes by saying that, but this is how I feel. And quite honestly, how i've felt for a year-ish (and yes, i dated during this year).

Please, share you're thoughts and doubts and complaints. If u have hatemail, I ask you send me a message or Email. gijimbob@labyrinthts.com

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Cell phones

I wonder what it would be like if we suddely wound the clock back 15 years. We watched "Jingle all the way" at church tonight, and i was struck by the lack of cell phones. now, the movie came out in 1996, but seriously. what would people do today without Cell phones, Email, Facebook?

I think its amazing how dependent we are on these things. Some of my friends and I would have zero contact without these things, and yet, because of this, I do have more people to keep up with which demands more of my time.

I will have to ponder this more when it's not 2 am.

Saturday, December 20, 2008


I got to hang out with some of my "old Friends" today and it was different. these weren't like "super close" friends of mine or anything, but they were friends. Hanging with them was so different.

I have grown up alot recently. this doean't mean i'm perfect, but i have changed, for the better. not my friends though. they have changed, but for the worse. they have poor laguange, bad relationships, and zero regard for other people. and once again, when i mentioned i was a pastor, they cleaned up thier act for me.

(sigh) I sometimes wonder about people...

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Man up!!

I am an anti-confrontational person. I try to avoid ruffling people's feathers whenever possible. In fact, if I can find a way to not talk to someone about a known disagreement, I won't.

And most of the time, I'm not very opinionated. It's because I don't have a "dominant" personality, it's just i simply don't care most of the time. i'm not picky about food, music (mostly), or many other things. This has helped me avoid alot of conflict in my life.

Oddly enough, it's also caused conflict in my life. I met this girl. She's great. We're good friends. So we started dating. Little to my knowledge this girl, who is a very sarcastic and at times demanding person, Wanted a guy would stand up to her. someone who can tell her no. Someone who doesn't accept every word from her mouth as straight from the divine. And I of course, not assuming she was right, but simply not wanting to fight, didn't argue with or stand up to her. We have since talked about this and I now understand that I need to man up.

all that to say...

Recently, I've been thinking about the paradox of having "two lovers". It's so wrong, but so right. I'm in love with God, and I'm in love with this girl. And as I said before, they are in love with each other as well. Yesterday, at work, I asked God why I have to be "the man" in my relationship with her, and yet be "the girl" in my relationship with Him. Doesn't seem fair. She gets to be the girl in both, So why do I have to do all this extra work? Why do I have to play 2 separate parts?

I don't.

My problem in my relationship with Jessie is I would never question her or stand up to her. If she said something, regardless of my instincts, I assumed that what she said was what was really going on. The problem is, with girls, there is the hazard of them not saying what they really want. It's not because they're dishonest or anything, they simply don't know what they want at the time. They are being flooded with so much emotion in the moment, that they cannot make a rational decision. They try to communicate this subtly, but being a man, subtly is often lost on me(or I catch it but assume i'm wrong).

Now, when dealing with God, I don't think I have this hazard of him not knowing what he wants. But i do need to "stand up" for myself to him. When God told abraham what he was going to do to Sodom and Gamorah, Abraham said, "Will not the Almighty Do right?". He was asking if this was part of Gods character! Can "God" do such a thing?David asked Go to change his mind about killing his son. Moses asked to see God. Even Jesus(God himself) asked God "why have you forsaken me?".

God is asking me to rely on him. I rely on Jessie for many things, but I still have to be a man. otherwise, i'm a wimp. a pansee. This makes her not like me.

I don't think God wants a Pansee Patrick any more than she does.


I got to go back to work today. it was good. I enjoyed the days off for awhile, they were nice. But life becoming...too easy. I needed some resistance. something to fight against, to fight for even.

And i'm starting to draw parallels between Video Games and Real Life...

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Unexpected Changes

"Life is very strange", she said. "Or is it only strange because it isn't what we expect? If we expected the strange and unexpected to happen then would it seem so strange? Or would it just be wonderful?".

I find it funny that we can have so many plans, idea, dreams, and yet, this world is ever-changing. It's always advancing, always turning, and always seeing new faces. That's not a bad thing, it's just slightly frustrating sometimes.

What If we truly expected the unexpected to happen? What if we actually relied on God?

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
~Matthew 5:25-34

Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins.
~James 4:13-17

Monday, December 15, 2008

Moderation of Adoration

So, I'm in love. Hardcore. Head over my heels. I can barely think of anything but my Love. But there's a problem.

My Love is SO out of my league. And it's not just me saying that. And my Love Demands respect and honor. But I just want to Love Him. It seems that Loving God and respecting and honoring him would go hand in hand. So am I doing it wrong?


But then, I have another Love. She is closer to my level, though I'd still say she's out of my league. Me and her have had great times Learning and growing together, and then of course just being together. If I had my Way, I'd spend every moment I could with her. But I tried that already, and it ended disastrously. So Now I have to Choose to not spend (some) time with this Amazing Person in my Life.

Of course, i don't have to choose between the two loves, for they both love each other as well.

So on the one hand, I need to spend more time...

On the other, I need to spend Less...

You know, this may be hard...

But its WAY more fun than being "single"! :)


As many of you know, I do not agree with everything that goes on at my church. To list a few things:
  • We sing the same songs every sunday
  • the Elders Serve Communion (almost exclusivly)
  • They slander the character of past ministers
  • They preach and teach something that is at times ENTIRELY different from the word of God.
  • When they use the word of God, they use the KJV because "its the best".
I do not like this. Some of these things bug me on a weekly basis! And some of these things are simple by-products of Tradition. This church has "done it" this way for half a century. It used to work. for the size that the town of Neosho used to be, High street was Bustling! But things have changed. The town of Neosho has become a small city, and many things have changed. Caucasians are no longer majority, The town is about 10-12k, and much of the city has been sub-urbanized.

I Looked at this church and wondered why they couldn't see the need for change. I found the reason today. I watched as a poem was read (a poem read every year on this second sunday of dec) and people cried tears of joy. I've had people tell me how excited they are for the youth's christmas program, as it's always a chance for fellowship witht he church and to show these "troubled kids" a little bit of God's Love.

This little church has the biggest heart I think i've ever seen. with a AWA of 50, thier AWO is 1.5K. that's amazing. They love the kids, and sypathize with thier troubled lives, but i think they just don't know what to do. They may worship the same way every week, but they pour themselves into the worship. they do thier very best to make sure its perfect, so that God will be pleased with thier offering of time.

I don't think God cares whether or not it's perfect, but i know he sees those old, tired hearts beating every so strongly for him.

I think Tradition isn't "evil", but as i always say, "Everything in Moderation".

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Thursday, December 11, 2008


I find it truly amazing that we are able to have family away from our families. Here at OCC we have a best friend, who knows us as intimately as we can be known (like a spouse). we have our immediate family, those people we see every day, we live life with, and share our hopes, dreams, and fears with. We have our "reletives" who are the people you know and occaisionally see and hang out with. then of course there are the distant reletives, people you know and love, but barely ever see.

We are leaving our families for a month to see our real families. I miss them already.

Dis' her be a shout out!

I was sitting at youth group today and had a revelation: I was the Youth Minister. Umm, duh smart guy, you have been for 2 months! But this was the realization that I was doing what what i'd always wanted...and hadn't thanked God.

I'm back at OCC after a Foray away. I'm The Youth Minister at a church (the kind of church I've wanted to work in), and Hope is once again fostered in a broken relationship. I have lifelong friends, God-honoring knowledge, and occasionally spirit-filled wisdom. All these things i've been praying for relentlessly.

And now they're here. I have them. Things that I've worked for and asked for have finally arrived.

So this is a shout-out to the one behind it all.

Thank you God for allowing me to Return to OCC. Thank you for blessing me with a church and giving me wisdom and grace to work with these youth and teach them about you. Thank you for Blessing this nearly broken relationship, and thankyou for helping us to relalize That YOU are the only Just judge. Thank you for filling my life with blessings, blessings I miss every day.

I Love you.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

All Things New

Its a new season, with new weather, new challenges, and even some new people.


Ryan Aikins

Ryan Aikins is currently the Youth Minister at Inola Christian Church (ICC), a small church in Inola, OK. Ryan is 31 years old, has a wife, Heidi, who is 27, and they have two kids, Brooklyn age 2, and Hudson age 6. Heidi is an elementary school teacher, and teaches at Hudson's school. However, they both have decided to sell everything, and move to Manzanillo, Mexico to Become Missionaries and serve the Lord. However, maybe we should look at the story leading up to this.

In the year 2004, Ryan was the Youth Minister at ICC when he and wife decided to become missionaries in china. It started with a mission's presentation about Missions in China. Ryan said he felt something "stirred" inside of him. They looked into it, researched it, and prayed A LOT about it, and decided to go over. They had a very interesting time raising support and selling their possessions. Money seemed to come from nowhere and people who they knew were going "from paycheck to paycheck" were committing to monthly Support. Finally, when they had raised the support and completed the preliminary training.

While they were there, they learned that Culture shock comes in waves. Sometimes you feel really good, and you're in the honeymoon or tourist stage. Other times, you feel like trash and you want to throw in the towel and give up. Ryan told me of one time when he was talking to some friends back home on the phone, they mentioned that they were going to watch Transformers together. There are all kinds of little things that you don't realize you're giving up when you decide to go overseas. He said it was like transplanting a Plant. You remove the roots from the soil and at first you have no soil at all, then you land in your new home, but it still takes time for the roots to grow into the soil and become strong and solid like they were before.

After 3 months however, they were faced with a major set back. Their young daughter Brooklyn was suffering from some sort of breathing disorder. After visiting the hospital in China, they determined they would have to go back to the states for her treatment. The doctors in the US said it was pollution related. She would be unable to recover if she went back to China. This left them with a tough decision. Stay in China to serve the Lord and risk harming their daughter further? Or Go back to the states to save their daughter, and "abandon" the kingdom work in China?

They returned to the states. Ryan doesn't think God required him to work right there in that particular spot. However, even after returning to the states and returning to ICC as the youth Minister, they still felt a passion for overseas missions. While they put 100% into what they were doing here, they desperately wanted to go to another country to serve the Lord, and even more-so after their "failure".

This past summer, they took their Youth Group to Manzanillo Mexico on a short-term mission trip. After that, and the recent National Missionary Convention (along with LOTS more prayer) they have felt God Calling them towards Mission work there. They are starting even now to make arrangements, and will begin raising support full-time this coming February 2009.

I asked Ryan What I should do if I were to feel God calling me towards overseas missions. He said there are 2 major things. The first and most important thing is to continue to grow spiritually. When you are working harder to advance the kingdom, Satan will try harder to stop you. Therefore, grow ever closer to the Lord Jesus, and become stronger in your faith so you will be ready for the trials WHEN they come, and they will.

The second major thing is to make networks early on. You want to have connections whenever you go looking for a team or even to raise support. Its one thing to get assigned to a team with a bunch of people you may wind up not getting along with. However, imagine if your two best friends and their spouses, along with your wife, were your team. That would be much more fun, much more practical, and much more productive. The main thing is, in any situation, Trust in the Lord.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008


Hope...Is always Warranted.

Perhaps we simply have to change the way we look at the world. or maybe we need to change the way we look at each other!

Or maybe how we look at ourselves.

Every cloud has a silver lining. If you can't see it, ask HIM to show it too you.

Monday, December 8, 2008


I find it funny how we can ask for people's criticism, and be asked to give criticism, and when the opportunity presents itself, we run and hide in order to "save a friendship".

In the process, the Friendship is damaged. Pointless...

Sunday, December 7, 2008


I sat here, at subway, looking at my water, contemplating all the different kinds of impurities that could be (but probably weren't) in my water. After a minute or two of this, I decided i was thirsty and drank it. when i took my drink however, the ice in the cup caught the reflection of the sun and refracted it into my eyes.

What I saw was beyond description. It was Beautiful. Quite possible the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I tried to recreate it for a few seconds, but all I got was some weird looks from the other patrons.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

No clue this time

Red and wet and full to the brim,
Am I when i am healthy,
and I desire success and fame,
And always to be wealthy.

But deeper still I hold inside,
the needing to be held,
I want to find another of me,
And too it, i will meld.

But with the holes that cover me,
Hard I am to fit
And even to come closer too
The who my story writ'.

Indeed my need for Love is great,
And yet is greater still,
The desire for for this body of mine
of Red - To have it's fill.

Not what you think

Hope is the answer
To the riddle below,
But the answer to this one,
I doubt you will know.

Red is her color,
But then so is green,
And most of the time
Her influence is unseen.

But when it is noticed
its loudly proclaimed
and yet of this glory
she is so ashamed.

For she only wishes
that love, Joy, and Cheer,
Be sent from the father,
through her all the year.

What is it?

Starts with an H

Small in stature,
Rarely spoken of,
But very important,
And part of all Love.

My users are addicts,
And one only needs,
One drop of my goodness,
To go spread my Seeds.

What Am I?


Friday, December 5, 2008

Faith, Hope, and Love

I remember when I came to school after this summer. I was so full of hope. Hope for my Job at IHOP, Hope for a ministry, Hope for a relationship, hope for classes. Even the "little things" like dancing, watching movies, having worship nights...being with people I care about!

Here I am at the end of the semester and hope is somthing it seems I have to ration. If I "hope to big" I'm afraid my dreams will be dashed. I did hope to big about somethings this semester, and I did get hurt, but I can't stop hoping.

I want to go swing dance. I want to Go christmas Caroling. I want to have a worship night in boatman lobby. I want to hang with peple I love and Care about and do something stupid! I want to dance, even if we don't do it at the dancing place, it's about dancing with people! I want to sing carols, even if there is no snow! it's about spreading Christmas Cheer and HAVING FUN! Not about some frozen water.I want to play guitar with 3 or 4 friends and praise God.

I want to share stories of God's love and power with them, and have them share them with me. I want to grab some people and make them do something spontaneous, because I know deep down they want too. Finals don't matter, Class doesn't matter, and "being wierd" doesn't matter. Not in comparison to this. Faith, Hope...Love.

People need those more than grades or a reputation.

Scene and Herd

So here it is, it's just me.
A different drummer, but the same old beat.
It seems like everything is gonna be just fine.
'cuz I'm having a good time.

As long as I'm staying true to myself,
Then how it is is something I can sell.
And I can sleep at night without your help, It's fine.
'cuz i'm having a good time. OH!

The Scene and Herd
seem to make it all just a little bit worse
and I don't wanna go down that road,
Oh no, no, no.
The Scene and Herd.
I'll be the first to tell you I'm worse,
but I don't wanna go down that road.
oh, no.

And I'm sorrowed that you probably
magically got this song for free.
(ha) I'm not sure if it bothers me it seems fine,
'cuz I'm having a good time.
And the path I take to validate,
Everything I do means everything I create
is Knocking on the door of everything I hate, I'll decline.
'cuz I'm having a good time.

The Scene and Herd
seem to make it all just a little bit worse
and I don't wanna go down that road,
Oh no, no, no.

The Scene and Herd.
I'll be the first to tell you I'm worse
but I don't wanna go down that road,
Oh no.

No, No, No, No, No.
No, No, No, No, No.

Well everyone's got something on their mind,
and this is my thought, I'm just pressing time.
I'm gonna say what I want, it might not be what you want to hear.
Oh, Oh, Oh.

The Scene and Herd
block out the sun like a flock of birds
and I don't wanna go.
I don't wanna go.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

zoom zoom zoom

After our Elders Meeting last night, One of the Elders asked me what year I was in school. He was wanting to know how long they could keep me. I Jokingly said, "Well, at the rate i'm going i'll be here for the next 7 years!" He laughed, but then he said, "Sounds like you in a hurry. Be careful with your school. Don't do it fast, Do it right."

Joseph was thirty years old when he entered the service of Pharaoh king of Egypt. And Joseph went out from Pharaoh's presence and travelled throughout Egypt.
~Gen. 41:46

30 years old?!? That OLD! Joseph had spent years in slavery and prison. Life was just passing him by. But he entered the Lord's Service and wound up saving the Nation Of Isreal.

I've been So weary this year, And I know why. I've been rushing into things. I rushed back to school, into classes, into a ministry, into a relationship, and i'm about to rush out of my house.

It seems everyone here is just in a hurry to graduate and "do some real ministry". A Friend of mine said "I want to get married and i'm not getting any younger!"

Why must we rush? Can we slow down and relax a little?

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

the verdict's in

I've decided after reading through my blog that i'm very fickle. It seems my entire mood changes over the smallest chages in my circumstances.

Step inside my Office

It's wild what can happen in a year! I started this blog a year ago tomorrow and it's really cool to watch how my thoughts have been throughout the time!

I sit here in my dormroom, and I'm drawing comparisons from it to my life. My desk, My workplace, is covered in clutter from a few bouts of lots of use, and lots of time of no use. I of course spend no time cleaning my Workplace unless there is Someone coming in such as Mom, or the girls for Open House.

My Bed is not made, and it doesn't even have pillows since i forgot them back home. I have only a (QT) Towel to rest my head on. The bolster behind it is where I keep the Items i wish i used more often, but hardly do: Some school books, sunflower seeds, batteries for my guitar pedal, and my "g-pa" hat. The only items on the bolster that see frequent use are my printer and my Dream Journal. Hidden away inside the Bolster is all my foodstuffs and my RPG "secrets".

My shelving has many books on it, most of whish i have either never cracked, or read and then discarded them to thier eternity on the shelf. Little used Supplies and Items rest on the highest shelves, with Awards from forgotten times in High School Line the Front. Sticky notes filled with Short-term motivatation from weeks long gone hang on the shelving.

My floor of course has a few pieces of Dirty Laundry, along with Items used recently that were not put away. My Trashcan would be full had I not emptied it yesterday, and my hamper sits abandoned outside of the closet, its home of the past.

The closet itself is nearly barren. There are empty hangers, a stained shleving, and my work clothes for IHOP. There are also testaments to my Lethargy: Unfolded clothes, an air mattress i borrowed from my aunt this summer, and a cup full of money to give to the business office for school.

Then of course, across the invisible chasm of silence, sits Nick, my roomate. I have lived with this man all semester. I've met his closest friends, and he's met mine. And yet, we've had probobly less than 10 conversations this entire year, most of them involving questions like, "you want a drink?" "can u grab the trash?", or "can I turn out the light?". A man with his own life, his own story, his own part of the grand history of Grace... And I don't know him. Of EVERYBODY on this campus, I should know him. but he's a stranger to me.

Things are gonna be different, starting today. Alot of other things are too.

They Have Too.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

I'm Bringing Hefty Back

I'm bringin Hefty Back, (yeah)
those tummy tuckers don't know how to act, (yeah)
A twinky in each hand is where its at, (yeah)
and All muh boys know who they callin Phat (yeah)

Skinny Babe,
You see these steaks well baby i'm thier slave,
I'll let you hold bones from the ones I ate,
and then i'll have free hands for pie and cake.

Come here girl
(go 'head and eat it)
Come to the fridge
(go 'head and eat it)
Make me some meat
(go 'head and eat it)
Pack it with heat
(go 'head and eat it)

Getcha hefty on
(go 'head and eat it)
Getcha hefty on
(go 'head and eat it)
Getcha hefty on
(go 'head and eat it)
Getcha hefty on
(go 'head and eat it)


So many reasons to Stay...

  • IHOP is my Job during the school year

  • I can be here with a few friends

  • I can be on my own here away from home

  • My Church is closer to here than home

  • My Parents House is not my home anymore(just feels wierd)

  • Quiktrip and I are no longer on the same page

So many Reasons to Go home

  • There are 4 weeks to break, thats a long time to be gone from home.

  • Quiktrip is a good Job

  • I have Old friends at home, many of whom I have not seen in long whiles

  • I'm safe at home.

I don't know what to do....

Monday, December 1, 2008

The Apple Tree

I was walking through the Forest
I came upon an apple tree
I looked upon the highest branches
And in delight I did see
The most gorgeous looking apple
I do believe I’ve ever seen
I knew right then I wanted that apple
But it was at the top of the tree!

And so at once I started Climbin’
Higher n’ Higher up the tree
Bout 2/3rds up I got real tired
And said that’s good enough for me
And I looked at the other apples
Even though they weren’t as good
And then when I returned to climbing
I missed the place I’d aimed my foot

I fell out of the tree and too the ground
When I ‘came too’ I looked up
There at the top still was my apple
Telling me to ‘give it up’
As I climbed she pleaded with me
Sayin’ that I might prefer some pears
I fired back ‘no I like apples
And you’re the best apple anywhere’

All this talk of pears and apples
Really is just a metaphor
For the way I feel about you
And the mistakes I’ve made before
I wouldn’t let you try to love me
And my shame is greater still
For took you for granted
And around you I wasn’t real

I promised you I’d write a song for you
Just before I said I’d never lie
And so my darling let me tell you
What I’m feeling deep down inside
You may not think we go together
You may think we belong apart
But babe I know we’d last forever
I know it deep down in my heart

But girl I will not take you anywhere
If you decide you don’t want me
But I’ll no longer chase an apple
Or treat you like some dumb trophy
And so i'm sorry for the mess i've made
But through my falls I’ve learned a lot
See now I’m looking for a best friend
And girl you’re the best I got